I really enjoy having Pradeep around. He accompanies me almost everywhere and tells me about Mumbai and asks me about Varanasi and Seattle. It is my nature to engage in conversation for longer periods of time than most people can tolerate but so far Pradeep seems cool having me pump his brain for the entirety of both our waking hours. I really do not want to burn him out considering we just met.
He is a great cook and I have resolved not to eat downstairs with the family anymore. Last time I was in India I did my best to learn to like their food but now I am done. It is not healthy and it does not suit my taste. I will either cook my own food, cook with a friend, or hire a cook from now on.
I have introduced Pradeep to everyone with whom I work and people seem to like him. Particularly, we went to the Benares Network of Positive People NGO and everyone there loved him and we were able to talk to them for two hours, which I consider to be a successful introduction. They were happy to explain what they do, they had lots of questions for Pradeep about the equivalent work he does as an outreach worker in Mumbai, and everyone seemed to be happy with his ability to translated between us. No one there spoke English.
There are a few strange things about living with Pradeep, and I think the strangeness is Indian strangeness and not his personal strangeness. One is that he calls his family every day and talks for about 20 minutes. He is almost thirty; what could he possibly have left to say to his mother and sister at this point? He even seems to miss them.
Another is that the way I spend money on food seems strange to him. I think my eating habits are different from his family’s, and already my habits are different from most foreigners’. Most foreigners eat in restaurants often if not exclusively because restaurants are so cheap here. This is enormously expensive by Indian standards, because the restaurants for tourists are much more expensive than restaurants for Indians and even restaurants for Indians are expensive for most Indians. I eat at home so I buy all my supplies. Even still, Pradeep has said repeatedly that he wants to reimburse me for half the money I spend on vegetables after he gets a new job. From one perspective I want to participate in the relationship I have with him on equal standing, and it is societally appropriate that he pay me back something. On the other hand I want to keep my status as a person who eats the healthiest food available despite the price, so what I spend is more than he would spend, plus the money here is trivial to my budget and significant in his. And I do not really want to lay open all my finances to someone I do not know too well, and I do not want the relationship to be shifted to an expectation that I have unlimited funds. So there is that issue.
Pradeep and Lane at Swastik's mundan
Pradeep is uncomfortable with the idea that I am living with Nandan and not paying Nandan any direct rent. This has given him the idea that he is receiving hospitality from Nandan, when in fact I would like for him to just be comfortable as my guest. He is concerned about owing something to Nandan and I wish he would not be.
Pradeep has stated that it is improper for him as a male to be in a house where Nandan’s wife lives. I told them that they understand very well that he is gay and that his living with me is not invasive of the peace in the house. He says that since he has a beard he is perceived as a threat to the purity of females. That is a touch argument to counter and frankly I am at a loss for words beyond a reassurance that he is mistaken.
Pradeep is really a fun guy but he is at a loss to participate in a lot of the things which interest me. He has talked a lot about getting a job and so I said, why not do what you do with me with anyone else? I do not think he believes that this is a viable career path, but an escort/translator is just what many researchers need and he is highly trained in an interesting niche – i.e., outreach counseling to males at risk for contracting HIV. He kind of has aggression against people who give him trouble which is unusual for most professional Indians, but since he is in Mumbai, he is able to freely switch jobs. He has worked a lot of different jobs by Indian standards and I told him by American standards that makes him normal, but I am not sure he understood.